In spite of a need to understand the meaning behind our lives, we all love our distractions; our creature comforts. Our popcorn. And it seems these special needs have become communal and universal, altering the clear perception of what humans want from life. And escapist movies, in particular, have become a hard priority.
In the 70’s, the larger portion of audiences wanted social commentary and an exploration of the human Id, from motion pictures. A much smaller portion, simply wanted escapism. But out of the sun, riding on golden steeds, came the blockbusters: The Exorcist, Jaws, and Star Wars. And as ensuing decades past, those variable groupings systematically changed places, and escapism won out over human interest stories. Leaving fans of visceral cinematic experiences, the clear majority; their delicate anxiety-prone personalities constantly arguing their right to the many highs and lows their beloved visceral manipulation provides them. After all, they can no longer survive in this modern world, without such stimuli. And don’t you dare judge them, or try and take their drug of choice away from them. Or their number will shame you across the internet for your antiquated social graces. People you’ve never met, and likely never will meet, shall disparage your name openly, with no remorse. And wish upon you bad juju. You’re fuckin’ plants might die, as a result of that.
Enter into this strange unexpected variant of a dystopian future, the latest fast food byproduct of Hollywood’s comic book assembly line side industry: Wonder Woman 1984; or as it’s more casually known during opening credits: WW84. A movie released direct to streaming by Warner Bros. due to the on-going pandemic, yet only available on one streaming service: their own, HBOMax. And it’s not quite the movie fans were hoping for. And not quite the movie experience it could have been. But still, as flimsy and lackadaisically structured as much of it is, it’s a tolerable experience; as these things go. Yet it seems to be clearly making many of the delicate overly demanding beings that subsist on these things, very angry.
Comments spammed social media within hours of its release, on Christmas day. And as a sampling, I single out the following choice critiques: ‘So painful. Abysmal on every level,‘ and ‘ That movie dragged me across a parking lot and into an Arby’s,‘ and ‘In totality, it’s a disaster with a few good moments. Much like 2020,’ and ‘Rivals Green Lantern for the worst moder comicbook movie,’ and ‘I was so tempted to walk out of my own living room several times during WW84,’ and ‘Just finished WW84, and the whole family was like…. Whaaaaa????‘ and ‘So sick of the trope that Wonder Woman can’t love and be a hero,‘ and my personal favorite, ‘I am so glad I watched that piece of shit drunk off my ass on chardonnay.‘
So, is it really that bad? Or is it merely not the great experience those constantly in withdrawal for higher content, crave. ‘Higher’ being the key word. I sat through the film, myself, and made some notes. I felt the opening sequence was exhilarating, and tied in very well with the first film. After that, began a parade of fast-paced goofiness, intended to establish the film’s time period: 1984. Which managed to feel even less authentic than the last season of Stranger Things, if that’s possible. In truth, this second opening sequence felt very much like any generic episode of The Goldbergs,’ with ‘1980-something’ drifting into my forward conscious from the back of my head. The film then launched into establishing and sympathizing with its soon-to-be villains. Large chunks of mediocrity that form much of the center section of the film, and greatly resemble additional content created specifically for the internet, to help support the film’s release. ‘Excised scenes’ most productions designate as ‘additional content,’ as frequently seen on YouTube. Other story material offered here, is Diana’s relationship with Steve Trevor. Definitely a highlight. And to be fair, the filmmaker’s method of bringing Trevor back from the dead is serviceable, if a tad hackneyed.
But by the time we get more action, we are one hour and twenty-one minutes into the film, and definitely happy to be able to utilize the pause function. I, myself, was happy for the reprieve, and read the next chapter of an unrelated book I’m working my way through. It was half an hour before I returned to Wonder Woman 1984. And I was neither excited nor disappointed. I merely resumed and viewed a somewhat functional action sequence — which to be honest, did liven up the tepid story a bit. But as the movie wore on, and in spite of the constructed story’s emotional resonance in two key places, I began to find the film truly boring. Yes, while understanding the intent behind the ideas presented, and the thesis of the larger work, I still found it literally impossible for my brain to ignore how much this movie resembled so many other bad big budget special effects laded craptastic extravaganzas. Many of them bad comic book movies. Wonder Woman 1984 felt cartoony, schlocky, and generally like a movie from an earlier decade; before they figured out how to make these things work.
This was noticeable due to the film’s multiple problems, and the filmmaker’s inability to disguise them; i.e. there was not enough serviceable humor. There was also a long stretch without much action spread out over an unnecessary runtime, and an unfocused job of plotting. The film did re-engage at one point, in a lively sequence at the White House (ala Superman II). But so much time had been wasted at this point, there was little point in attempting to lure my noggin back into caring about the damn story. I use the term ‘story’ because this movie was packed with so many un-investigated elements, that it had little to no actual plotting. It was all clumsy, and ‘let’s roll with the punches and see where that takes us.’ And this methodology, believe it or not, evolved into an attempt at wisdom fiction. Taking the movie to an awkward, weird, crazy place in the end. Oh, and I almost forgot: somewhere amid all this, was one of those really bad-CGI fight scenes. Which was a mess of pointlessness. (Hey, screenwriters, good rule of thumb: if you’re writing a fight scene requiring CGI, please stop and re-think your game plan. Because all that movement, coupled with all those shots, will never get fully rendered in time.) Also, far too many important moments were given away in the trailers. Most importantly, and the most glaring issue with the film, there is no clear reason why the film needs to take place in the year 1984, when they didn’t even try very hard to establish the year, realistically; and there was only one 80’s song on the soundtrack. Talk about a missed opportunity for some easy entertainment.
So, in spite of these impressions, is the film really as bad as many on social media have stated? Not really. And it doesn’t really matter, either. Don’t misunderstand my prerogative, the influence from Superman the Movie & Superman II, Spider-Man (2002,) as well as the steals from Raiders of the Lost Ark & Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, showed at the very least that the people who made this movie were desperately trying to improve what was always a badly structured story. And I get that, I feel that, as someone who lost two-and-a-half hours of my evening to this self-indulgent mess of a movie — I feel your desperation for something better. But as humans, do we really need to subsist on these things, or be disappointed in their failings, when 90% of them are always crap anyway? Food for thought.
WRITTEN BY: JAMES ALLDER 