So I was recently viewing this again (streaming) and remembered well the frustration I had upon my initial viewing within the prestigious Santikos Palladium, or whatever the hell they’re calling that place out on 99 now .. and I couldn’t help but wonder if I should even bother with a write-up of some kind. The movie is truly as phoned in as that poster, and I couldn’t bring myself to take any form of an actual review seriously. So instead, I present to you my real-time thoughts in the form which this film deserves. Notes.
– “The Dead Speak!” *and it all went downhill from there
– fan fiction just threw up everywhere
– nonsensical at times
– feeling a bit like an Abrams Star Trek
– Kylo Ren still comes off as an insufficient heavy
– Rehashing old ideas, with the clear intent being, ‘Look! We have better technology than they did!’
– some interesting ideas, but not many
– nice scene between the three kids finally meeting up again
– so much TV plotting = bad. Not the quality SW deserves
– a complete left turn from IV, V, and VI
– a movie for those who prefer a film about the ‘expanded universe’; all those rejected ideas
– nice to see more aliens, though
– this movie has too many plot contrivances, already, and I sense a tremor in the force
– too much winking at the audience
– not very realistic at all. Simply doesn’t maintain any form of suspension of disbelief. Feels like a Turkish ripoff.
– too self aware of itself, and too jokey
– none of this was designed very well
– the way Abrams moves his camera is often annoying. As a member of the audience, you’re not really watching a movie, as much as operating the camera. Very frustrating.
– Some cartoons are plotted better than this
– Stormtroopers miss, miss, miss, miss. And when they finally hit somebody, it’s conveniently a plot contrivance. Any other time, they never hit anything they aim at. Who taught these turkeys how to shoot, a handful of red shirts?
– so much of this is improbable. Even in the SW universe.
– much of the dialogue is too easy
– the ocean effects are very nicely rendered
– the cameos are a nice touch. But then all the best moments here reference the older films.
– this story just keeps evolving like the plot of a 5 Season long TV series. I don’t like all this re-evaluation of plot and new info and deus ex machina popping up
– CGI heavy filmmaking is always covering up rather bland, badly spiderwebbed … Hey ! Did Development Executives plot this thing ??
– two words: space horses. Okay, three words: stupid space horses
– In retrospect, as I watch meaningless effects play out, this movie comes off as the most heavily contrived motion picture I have ever seen
– Kylo running in pajamas is next level comedy
– and yet only at the end do we see Kylo always would’ve made a much better hero than he ever did as a villain.
– this could’ve bee so much better
– just a pile of bells & whistles, all of which rings hollow
– a fake attempt at sincere emotion just happened which plays out like fan service
– entire plot of this Trilogy reminds of TV logic that keeps viewers tuning in but never seems to get to the point; and when it does, it comes off like the finale of ‘Lost’ or ‘Game of Thrones.’ Reminds me of Bill Murray’s line in ‘Quick Change.’ “I could’ve called them from anywhere in the world tonight, just to tell them I was still inside the bank!” We’re being dragged.
– a series of movies cooked up by a TV Development Executive. This was a con.
– I’m not saying it was bad screenwriting …… but it was really bad screenwriting
– we live in a society